I’m trying to wrap my brain around why it’s so shocking that Robin Williams would (apparently) kill himself.
Not that we shouldn’t be surprised when anyone takes their life, we should. It’s VERY shocking and goes against the nature of life. But people are extremely shocked by this news.
I can only guess it’s because Robin is so big. He seems to be this huge man, with this huge presence, and he’s always been honest about his life and his battles, yet so very private at the same time. He’s a movie star and he’s made us laugh, and he’s made us cry deeply. I think, though, it’s because Robin reminds us all of someone in our lives so to have that life taken away, especially by his own hand, is harder to take.
He’s a huge movie star but you just know that if you saw him in a restaurant and offered to buy him a beer, he’d say no and then spend the next few hours sitting with you and your mates, talking and laughing, telling stories and You would walk away from the night completely blown away by how amazing he was, but wouldn’t have learned a thing about him. He’s like that uncle we all have. The one we’re more close with than anyone else in the world. It feels as if Robin is part of our family because we have welcomed him into our homes and our lives; his beautiful face and his beautiful laugh. That laugh, when he puts his hand to his chest and leans back and his head tilts a little to the side. His eyes crinkle up and he squints just a little bit. His laugh seems so genuine and hearty. He seems real in a world of false idols. He’s imperfect in a world that strives for perfection at all levels.
I read somewhere, possibly from Williams himself, that comedians are the unhappiest of men and that they use comedy to deflect their own pain. I hate using the word demons but I just can’t help but wonder what demons could take this beautiful soul from this earth.
The most tortured are the clowns. I refuse to call this man, this iconic legend, a clown, though. He’s a beautiful soul and he had what very few people in his profession have: humanity and humanness. He was real. He was funny and sad and he was genuinely real.
Okay, you remember that scene in Goodfellas when Ray Liotta and Robert DeNiro are over the moon that Joe Pesci is going to be a made man because they can’t be (darn their mixed blood)? And then Joe is killed and they just collapse? That’s Robin Williams. Robin is this every day real man and he makes it to Hollywood, despite everything. He’s our champion. He’s flawd and hilarious and so incredibly real a person that you feel as if you know him. You’ve spent your entire life knowing this man and now he’s gone. As my friend G put it, it’s as if we’ve been punched in the gut and this glorious person, this gifted man, has been taken away from us. Worse, by his own hand.
May his soul find the peace he could not and may those remaining on earth take solace in the legacy he leaves behind.