My first and Last Blog on Autism…Ever.

Read this. While I am blessed that my daughters autism pales in comparison, it is true that I am jealous of parents who have normal children – they blissfully don’t understand what it is to fear your own death. Not just for the obvious reasons but for questions like, will she miss me? Who will care for her? Will people take advantage of her?
In my profession I see a lot of homeless people who are mentally disabled in some way and my greatest fear is that she will be like them.
Please please please try and understand the fears, anger, jealousy of autism moms. And definitely don’t tell us how god gave us a child with autism because he knew we could handle it, or whatever that stupid line is. We’re just trying to stay above water most days.

Battle Wounds and Heartache

This is my first and last blog on Autism. Ever.

I wake up every morning with knots in my stomach. Anxiety dominates my world. Why? Because my daughter is severely autistic. She is currently in a rehabilitation program, but that doesn’t matter. Peace doesn’t exist in my world. Even more importantly, it probably doesn’t exist in hers either. I can’t be sure of that however because for the most part she is non-verbal. She will be a teenager this year and is still in diapers. She can talk a little. She can ask for snacks ie. chocolate, twizzlers. She can also say “bath” and a few other things. She is beautiful. But she can also be violent. She functions somewhere between an 18 month old and a 2 and half year old. She has no tact. Point to the lamp. “Maggie, what is this?” She replies “this”. To which I…

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