Month: January 2014

Cell post

This will be my first, and hopefully successful, post from my cell phone. I’m only posting from my phone because I took a photo of the yarn and sweater I’m working on. Hopefully this post goes through ok. And sorry for the shitty cell phone picture. It really drowns out the colour. It’s a TARDIS teal blue.
It’s for my mom who is a reformed Whovian. My brother and me tried getting her to watch Dr Who when we were kids but she was having none of that. Now that it’s cool, she’s all over it. Should’ve just listened to her kids.

(The yarn is Knit Picks super wash merino wool, 24957)

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Otherwise, I’m finishing up scarf number one. It’s currently blocking and is a pattern I’ll never use again, mostly because blocking has to be the most annoying thing in the world (and yes, my mothers sweater does have to be blocked – thanks for pointing that out). Surely to god I’m not the only one who thinks so…? Anyone? Anyone? Bueller? Can’t I just knit the damn thing and be done with it? Sorry, my lazy is showing.

In other late night thoughts I found out that Anna Bates (ok, not Anna but the actress Joanne Froggatt) is the same age as I am. Which made me wonder, do I look that old? (Because I thought she was older than I am) And then I realized I’m not 20 anymore but will be 35 in less than two months.
Excuse me while I slather on some anti-wrinkle cream!

(And in no way does Anna look old, she looks her age. I just keep forgetting I’m 15 years older than I feel/think)

Also very excited that I can schedule posts via my cell. God I love technology!

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current knitty projects

I’ve got several projects on the go (what crafter doesnt’!). I’m knitting two scarves for a sometimes-co-worker. She better feel special, too, because I hate knitting scarves. They’re boring and they take forever. However, her scarves are a little bit different and when they’re done I’ll upload photos for you to see.

Then there’s my mom’s sweater. Again, another project that I hate. Sweaters are huge projects and tend to be really boring. But it’s my Mom. It would be the same if my husband asked me to make him a(nother) sweater. His sweater, actually, was the first I’d ever knit. I didn’t do too badly but the arms are a little too long for him.

I’ve got a pair of fingerless gloves that I’m working on, some swiffer cloths I need my friend Coeur de L’Hiver to test out and report back on, of course the Lady Sybil set (I have yet to find the right colour though I do know what I want – it’s a dusty blue from Bernat, I believe).

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This past Friday, which was the 2 year anniversary (not to the date) of Sophie’s death, her coworker came in at the exact same time that she did. My heart beat quickly! I was staring at the spot where Sophie died, praying to everything that I could that this same coworker would not end up there. I knew she wouldn’t. As quiet a person as she was, she didn’t seem the type. But I also didn’t expect to witness a suicide, either, so I prayed regardless.

The coworker came downstairs at the exact same time that Sophie did.

One alive, one not.

I wish that I could speak to her family and ask them about her. To try and attribute positives to Sophie, instead of the horrors that I see. Instead of the pain she inflicted on me. I hate her still and wish that I didn’t. I wish I could offer her the mercy she clearly sought on that ledge.

She still wakes me in the middle of the night. At this time, most often. 1:58 am. I am haunted by her, though it is me that allows this haunting to continue; how much of a choice I have in it, I don’t know. I think if I had answers then I’d be more able to let go.

The visuals are as fresh today as they were two years ago and, though I know I will sleep tonight, I will not be alone. I will have her by my side, as I did last year. I feel more prepared for it, though. I feel like I’m armed with an understanding and acceptance. While I could never forgive, nor forget, I feel able to deal with the dreams that may come.

I used to be afraid to publish her full name here but I no longer care about that. Her name was Sophie (after speaking with a family member we agreed to keep her last name off the blog, but I have chosen, also, to change her name completely) and she seemed, from what I remembered of her, to be a bright, beautiful, and friendly girl. She was short, had big gorgeous eyes, and beautiful hair. (Girls notice these things) She was friendly to us, the “little” people, and always said hello/goodnight. She was a good person. The path she chose, though, was dark and turned my world inside out.
I can only hope that she has found the peace she could not find in this life.

After it happened, I was so angry and wished she had done this at home, elsewhere, anywhere but here. I said that for selfish reasons. Obvious reasons. She killed herself and it fucked my life up for a long time – still has fucked my life up. But I’m glad it wasn’t at home, or at her parents, or wherever her family was. I’m glad they didn’t have to see what I saw. No family should have that image of their loved one. Their last memory of their family member should be something happy, beautiful, alive. So, for their sake, I’m glad it was me.

May her family find some peace this day. And may they cherish the happy memories they have of her.

revamping things

I recently borrowed a friend’s book “Craft Inc” and it’s really putting some aspects of my knitty business into focus. Mainly the fact that, in my eyes, it’s still just a hobby. And while I know it could never be a full time business, I do think that I need to revamp it and up my game.
So a great big thank you to Thunderpeep Designs http://https://www.etsy.com/shop/thunderpeep for lending me that book. While I’m not done the book, I’m taking notes and it’s making me think and rethink a few things. Which means I’ve gone back to read and re-read a few things.

Another friend who deserves some credit is The Quilted Valkyrie https://www.etsy.com/shop/TheQuiltedValkyrie for her guidance and honesty. Yep, the stash does need to be organized. Yep, the photography skills need some improving. A lot to consider in the photography area, especially considering my house is an east/west house with two windows in my loft that are north and zero south windows. TQV takes tremendously beautiful photos and I definitely look to her for inspiration.

And, of course, a lot of thanks to my hubby for his patience. Yarn Mountain finally has a home in the storage room and it all fit. I still need to organize it and buy more rubbermaids but he sacrificed a corner of his Man Cave for the sake of Yarn Mountain. Love you, honey!

As part of my revamp, I’m playing around with different themes on here, trying to find one that I like. While my brand is me and my quirky personality, trying to find a clean theme that I like has been difficult. I’m rather picky and fickle, which means that I’ll be changing things up for quite a while. I’ve already changed the theme 9 or 12 times since two days ago.

Also, I’m rather bitter because I had a dream last night that I had knit a beautiful hat that everyone loved and was literally knitting it (and its matching gloves) year-round. I woke up and couldn’t remember what the damn thing looked like.

I’m also going to try and make more of an effort to blog. We’ll see how that goes!

xo

https://www.etsy.com/shop/knittylittlesecret

in actual knitting news

I knit a hat and matching gloves and it makes me think of something Lady Mary Crawley would wear in Downton Abbey. Then I knit a second set in a soft salmony pink and thought of Lady Edith. I have yet to knit a third set for Lady Sybil. I’m thinking a dusty blue though.

I just love the look of this set, though it’s not my style at all.

knittylittlesecret

crawley