Month: December 2012

Bored at work

Crack addicts and your underwear

Women complain about their undies getting lodged in their cracks and having to pick them back out, only to have the undies creep back to the crack five minutes later.
Ladies. Picking a wedgie out is either an embarassment for you or something you don’t give a shit about people watching you do. If you’re the former then rehab yourselves and buy thongs. It seems like a bit of an oxy moron, to shove a piece of string in your ass, but trust me. You can’t. Feel. A damn. Thing. And spare me the conversation about how thongs are for whores or dirty girls. Let me just give you two words: Yoga. Pants. I don’t want to see your big butt in yoga pants, see your pantyline AND watch you pick your ass like you’ve got worms. Go buy the thongs and save us all.

You have mighty hairy balls, sir

I will seriously never understand why men, and women, hike their pants up so high that the inseam of their pants is literally parting the red sea.
I watched a gentleman today swagger outside to have a smoke and his pants were hiked up so high that I was quite literally able to count how many pubic hairs were on his balls. I think the most confusing thing about this man, though, was his swagger. How can you swagger when you look like a complete douche? John Wayne swaggers because he’s fucking cool. Warren Beatty swaggers because he’s so fucking cool. AND he’s slept with 99% of Hollywood. I’m curious, though… how can you swagger at all when your pants are attacking your colon like that.
How is that even comfortable? It’s akin to the ladies who wear pants that are hiked so high up their asses that you can watch their sphincter opening and closing when they fart.
Not cool, dude. Not cool at all.

I’m bored.